You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
