I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
