"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
