last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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