Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
