Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize