Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
