Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
