She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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