Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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