at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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