I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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