easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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