Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
