I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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