oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Who did Billy Mays play for?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
