Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
