Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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