Sry I called you an 8
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
