I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize