Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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