Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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