My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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