and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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