Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize
