I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
