She said her name was "party"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
