I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
