I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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