I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
