Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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