Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
