Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize