Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
