Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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