hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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