I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
