Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
