i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize