Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Drunk is not a location!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
