I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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