I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
being pregnant is like rehab
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
