I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
