Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
