So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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