Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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