I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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