Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
