my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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