I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
