I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
