I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
