that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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