Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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