Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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