sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
