This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
