Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
