So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
