i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
