So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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