Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
