I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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