Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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