ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
