I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize