Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
