so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
