The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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