i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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