True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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