Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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