mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
