im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
