I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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