where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
where am i from again
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
