im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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