I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
