so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize