The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
