Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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