Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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