Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
