New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize