what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
