Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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